Car ride with God...
it happens frequently...
It's been awhile since my last blog. Sorry 'bout that to those who've eagerly been watching and vulturing my blog daily. I'm not sure if it's because I hit a void in my life where I didn't have much worth sharing, or because my schedule had me swimming aimlessly over the past month. The latter happens a lot. Like a cruise vessel billowing ofcourse into the bermuda.
Caralon and I had a real good heart to heart. The Nelson's fancy that kind of environment. I fancy it also. I had a revelating experience on that day with Caralon. Growing up, I was one of the easy going lads. Lazze Faire... what happens, happens. I mean, if it's going to happen, it's for a reason right? I've lost that attitude somewhere over the past 4 years. Perhaps it's with my russian pocket watch Pops gave me from his '92 mission.
When I became a college student, I found myself constantly... ok, obsessively planning my future. I felt compelled to chunnel my way through classes to direct myself toward BBA degree. Then when I transferred to Freed-Hardeman, I felt compelled to build my social life. I buried myself in crowds, went to social functions, joined two social clubs, tried to find a "church" clique, etc etc. I exherted myself for a whole school year. However, I didn't feel like I was making very many friends. I began to become disappointed. You can even say my ego took a nosedive. Back at home, I was a social garu. My clique was big and newcomers to the clique loved me.
Later, I became inspired to be like my professors... you know...have the spiritual answer to everything! If someone asked about a subject, snap, crackle and POP... 12 verses and a sermon are breathed out of my lungs. People saying "SHOOOOO... who you IS.... God? Holy Spirit? You up in there?" I wanted to be able to deeply analyze the scriptures and be able to come up with the perfect biblical answer. Boy, it sure did feel good when i tried to do all that. I was clearly going the right direction!
However, i didn't make many friends. Bible scriptures poured in my head, but were soon forgotten. I went through Freed-Hardeman for 3 years, and didn't even leave a mark. Now I'm left in Houston, wondering what to do next. I went after all my temporary goals. Some were a success.... most of them were not.
This summer, I carry an aftertaste of frustration, exhaustion, and unaccomplishment. At the beginning of the summer, Danielle and I had hopes and dreams of becoming servants in all different areas. We needed a place to start. The soup kitchen idea was the most popular. So we scurried about early, early saturday mornings and shuffled over to "Oper Door Ministries." A shelter for guys who want to leave a life on the streets. We did that for about a month, but decided to abandon the idea. I came to Houston with big dreams of being an overactive servant with an overactive group. I'm still waiting.
How can I place blame on anyone? Even if I have someone to blame, I wouldn't know what the blame itself was. I had no fuel for the fiery spirit I yearned for. Wednesday, I poured a little of my heart out to Caralon. Lord knows that if I poured out my whole heart, I don't think it would make any sense to her. I wanted her mental cognition in tact when I left her prescence. At the beginning, she began a prognosis that I didn't make sense. She told me that I was too controling over my relationship with God. I denied that. If anything, I was seeking out what God had in store for me. I was at a Christian University for crying out loud! I was taking Bible classes, hanging around "the good crowd", helping out a church during the summer, trying to make more christian friends to help keep me out of temptation and uplift me when I was about to fall..........
But then a thought hit me. I was happier before I went to Freed. No, like... for real. I was surrounded by not-so-christian things, but i stayed faithful to God. I was known as "the christian and/or Bible" boy. Friends asked about the Bible in private. I left all that for what I thought was right for me. Maybe it wasn't what God had in mind. What if God had plans further down the road? But I think "what if this is God wanted?" It was an overnight decision! My whole life changed in a denny's dining room when discussing life with my friend lindsey. It was so spuratic it had to be a God thing!
I use to be a believer that if I wanted a certain life, I had to shape it in order to earn it. I thought business was the perfect field to go into because of it's flexibility. I shaped my life around that major. I knew that the best way to become popular was to hang around as many people and be funny. I shaped my life by hanging out in the faces of the crowds and going to functions. I using assumption and ideals to shape my life. Maybe that wasn't the right course of action to take.
I'm reminded of the time God told Abram and Sarai that they were going to have a child. We remember that they scoffed at God, even laughed. However, there was a certain amount of belief that God was a promise keeper. When the years went by and Sarah didn't have a child, Sarah thought that maybe they had to take the first step. Hagar was the first step. How often in life do we feel as though we should take the first step for God? I did.... often. Now generations today pay with their lives over the mistake that Sarah made. If Hagar never gave birth to Ishmael, there would be no Muslim nation who claim the birthright given to Isaac. What a doozy!
Caralon's kind words told me... you're too controlling... too limiting. She's right.
My heart, my mind, my body, my soul.... well, God, you know the rest.
~~ Deut 6:4
Because of our Messiah... who really is the know-it-all.
Potter
It's been awhile since my last blog. Sorry 'bout that to those who've eagerly been watching and vulturing my blog daily. I'm not sure if it's because I hit a void in my life where I didn't have much worth sharing, or because my schedule had me swimming aimlessly over the past month. The latter happens a lot. Like a cruise vessel billowing ofcourse into the bermuda.
Caralon and I had a real good heart to heart. The Nelson's fancy that kind of environment. I fancy it also. I had a revelating experience on that day with Caralon. Growing up, I was one of the easy going lads. Lazze Faire... what happens, happens. I mean, if it's going to happen, it's for a reason right? I've lost that attitude somewhere over the past 4 years. Perhaps it's with my russian pocket watch Pops gave me from his '92 mission.
When I became a college student, I found myself constantly... ok, obsessively planning my future. I felt compelled to chunnel my way through classes to direct myself toward BBA degree. Then when I transferred to Freed-Hardeman, I felt compelled to build my social life. I buried myself in crowds, went to social functions, joined two social clubs, tried to find a "church" clique, etc etc. I exherted myself for a whole school year. However, I didn't feel like I was making very many friends. I began to become disappointed. You can even say my ego took a nosedive. Back at home, I was a social garu. My clique was big and newcomers to the clique loved me.
Later, I became inspired to be like my professors... you know...have the spiritual answer to everything! If someone asked about a subject, snap, crackle and POP... 12 verses and a sermon are breathed out of my lungs. People saying "SHOOOOO... who you IS.... God? Holy Spirit? You up in there?" I wanted to be able to deeply analyze the scriptures and be able to come up with the perfect biblical answer. Boy, it sure did feel good when i tried to do all that. I was clearly going the right direction!
However, i didn't make many friends. Bible scriptures poured in my head, but were soon forgotten. I went through Freed-Hardeman for 3 years, and didn't even leave a mark. Now I'm left in Houston, wondering what to do next. I went after all my temporary goals. Some were a success.... most of them were not.
This summer, I carry an aftertaste of frustration, exhaustion, and unaccomplishment. At the beginning of the summer, Danielle and I had hopes and dreams of becoming servants in all different areas. We needed a place to start. The soup kitchen idea was the most popular. So we scurried about early, early saturday mornings and shuffled over to "Oper Door Ministries." A shelter for guys who want to leave a life on the streets. We did that for about a month, but decided to abandon the idea. I came to Houston with big dreams of being an overactive servant with an overactive group. I'm still waiting.
How can I place blame on anyone? Even if I have someone to blame, I wouldn't know what the blame itself was. I had no fuel for the fiery spirit I yearned for. Wednesday, I poured a little of my heart out to Caralon. Lord knows that if I poured out my whole heart, I don't think it would make any sense to her. I wanted her mental cognition in tact when I left her prescence. At the beginning, she began a prognosis that I didn't make sense. She told me that I was too controling over my relationship with God. I denied that. If anything, I was seeking out what God had in store for me. I was at a Christian University for crying out loud! I was taking Bible classes, hanging around "the good crowd", helping out a church during the summer, trying to make more christian friends to help keep me out of temptation and uplift me when I was about to fall..........
But then a thought hit me. I was happier before I went to Freed. No, like... for real. I was surrounded by not-so-christian things, but i stayed faithful to God. I was known as "the christian and/or Bible" boy. Friends asked about the Bible in private. I left all that for what I thought was right for me. Maybe it wasn't what God had in mind. What if God had plans further down the road? But I think "what if this is God wanted?" It was an overnight decision! My whole life changed in a denny's dining room when discussing life with my friend lindsey. It was so spuratic it had to be a God thing!
I use to be a believer that if I wanted a certain life, I had to shape it in order to earn it. I thought business was the perfect field to go into because of it's flexibility. I shaped my life around that major. I knew that the best way to become popular was to hang around as many people and be funny. I shaped my life by hanging out in the faces of the crowds and going to functions. I using assumption and ideals to shape my life. Maybe that wasn't the right course of action to take.
I'm reminded of the time God told Abram and Sarai that they were going to have a child. We remember that they scoffed at God, even laughed. However, there was a certain amount of belief that God was a promise keeper. When the years went by and Sarah didn't have a child, Sarah thought that maybe they had to take the first step. Hagar was the first step. How often in life do we feel as though we should take the first step for God? I did.... often. Now generations today pay with their lives over the mistake that Sarah made. If Hagar never gave birth to Ishmael, there would be no Muslim nation who claim the birthright given to Isaac. What a doozy!
Caralon's kind words told me... you're too controlling... too limiting. She's right.
My heart, my mind, my body, my soul.... well, God, you know the rest.
~~ Deut 6:4
Because of our Messiah... who really is the know-it-all.
Potter
2 Comments:
Potter! How are you??? I hope your summer is going grandly! How's the real world? I'm sooo ready to get back to school! I'm going to miss you next semester! Retreat just won't be the same! Love ya much, Ann Marie:)(just realized I put exclammation points after just about everything)
Thank you so much for sharing your honesty and heart! Your a great guy and I pray you know what an amazing man of God you truly are!!! You have touched my heart today. ~De
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